my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
