I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
