I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You have to summon your inner elephant
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
