I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize