I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Come see our sink grown plant.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
