At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
