If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wish life had little blips of pornography
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
