u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
