Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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