hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
