When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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