I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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