I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My dick has a subreddit
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
