Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
