I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
