Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
