Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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