I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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