I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
