Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
