I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize