Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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