btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
