I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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