I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
