We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
