this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
