Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
