dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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