Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Randomize
