Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
