Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
