I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
