I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm passing your future prison.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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