i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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