Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
