I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
