I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
