Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
