Where are you?
In a non slutty way
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
