Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
