He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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