My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
