she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
soo... how was my night?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
