i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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