Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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