Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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