how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
