I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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