You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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