i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Is it because I queefed?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
